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My social anxiety has really gotten better in the last years in specific circumstances. For example, i rarely have a problem anymore to write someone a message. I used to become super nervous almost my whole life when doing that. Sometimes it took me hours, even days to write someone because i was so unsure with its content and scared of possible reactions.

And i also used to edit my messages 10, sometimes 20 or more times, as long as the other person hasn't read it yet. In that sense chat apps which didn't allow editing really gave my anxiety - and i still prefer to be able to edit, just to correct or add or rephrase things. People who chat with me know that i edit almost all my messages, it's the same on Fedi. Perfectionism is also a reason for that.

It's really weird when people only got to know me how i am now. I can imagine that i feel pretty outgoing or even extroverted to some. But i am really not. At best i am ambiverted. And when in groups my social anxiety still kicks in heavily, making me quiet, unable to think or talk in my head and hear my own thoughts, completely unable to connect to anyone in any way, starting to shake and sweat and just wanting to leave because i not only have social anxiety but also social phobia that makes me not leave the house often.

I'm unable to put in words yet why it changed for me in some circumstances... It could be a mix of different realizations, such as "You live only once, so make the best of it" and the pressure of getting older that i feel. And "What's the worst that can happen? Would a 'No' be really that devastating to me?".

Or that i trained to be thankful for things and assume good will in others. It's far from perfect but it's fruiting. Assuming good will in others can really help with being scared. Everyone is just a person like you. I know it can be hard to imagine that other people have inner emotional worlds too, as we cannot see into other people's heads.

What contributed as well for sure that i'm today feeling better in my skin thanks to my HRT. And i also have days in which i kinda like what i see in the mirror. I always notice how that when i feel good it makes me more outgoing, i even smile at strangers sometimes. I used to be super quiet and still tend to talk too quiet as well.

There are alot of things happening and they all contribute to fending off my social anxiety. And whenever i talk about it people who might perceive me as not having it can see that i do, based on how i talk about it and how understanding i am in that sense. :floof_heart: