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online subscription service: hey you need to renew and update your card info

me: okay. here are my magic numbers.

service: no. this card is European

me: yes, I rather went out of my way to pay extra for a mastercard after moving to Europe because American sites take those without being weird about it. yet you’re being weird about it

service: because the last time you renewed, you paid in the currency trusted by God Himself, the American dollar. Now you claim to only have socialist Euros

me: yes?? so?? do you think I got an account with a European bank to defraud you, a sixty dollar annual subscription service???

service: you can’t say you’re in America one year and in Europe the next. that doesn’t make sense. no one has ever done that

me: … can I gift a subscription to myself?

service: yes of course. thank you for gifting a subscription to this stalwart American, mysterious European lady