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@pluralistic Thank you for a wonderfully epathetic look at tech BDFL's. This clarifies much of my thinking. Jimmy Wales example is a well chosen example of a way forward.
In my work, in geospatial standards and FOSS software, I am focusing more and more on Governance. While treated as a dirty (or at best boring) word by many, it is key to understanding how to make the transitions you describe. I recommend https://sociocracy30.org to start reimagining what governance can be.