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I think the "quadratic at scale" concern is the one thing I failed to share from my summary thread of the differences between "shared heap" in ATProto and "message passing" in ActivityPub.

In short: if everyone fully self hosts in message passing, you send messages between just send messages to relevant recipients

In a shared heap approach, to *not* miss relevant messages, all users must receive copies of all messages (including irrelevant ones), which is quadratic if everyone fully self-hosts