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Update: Emergency over; I tried forcibly deleting the app I was trying to deploy and deploying again. This time it worked on the first try. So this *wasn't* Android Studio being jacked and broken! It was jut normal old Android being jacked and broken. Although Android Studio certainly could have reported error conditions better?

Now that I've spent, like, much of an hour on this I'm too tired to program so I guess I'm reading manga