Ok! so thanks AGAIN to the magnificently patient @wendigo ......
I AM IN!
I've hacked the mainframe, which turned out to be a heck of a lot more involved than anticipated for a number of reasons (disabling various Windows functions, renaming download Disk file names for no clear reason etc).
But I am now Minty fresh with a hint of Cinnamon.
"I am become Debian, downloader of worlds"
Goodbye Windows, you bunch of bastards. x