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I keep hearing about the formational influences of terrible fathers and grandfathers on their terrible progeny (Trump, Musk, Mel Gibson, et al.). Okay. Fine. It's not nothing. It explains a little of why they are the way they are. But, this feels too much like an excuse for bad behavior. I see this rationale applied almost exclusively to powerful, wealthy, privileged white men.

Both sets of my grandparents were full-on racist, judgemental, physically and emotionally abusive, unusually cruel people. My grandfather used to brag about how he killed a man and got away with it.

However, both my mother and I fought against those patterns, and had to establish for ourselves how we saw the world, our compassion and empathy for others, and what constitutes a healthy relationship (because the opposite was modeled for us). It was exceedingly difficult for my mom, but she made it easier for me by deciding to be the exact opposite of her parents. I was able to see the contrast quite vividly.

So, I never want to hear "Well, it's just his generation."

Even my dad was able to crawl out of that toxicity, though much later in life My mom was way ahead of her time, actively rejecting racism and sexism, and even defending trans kids in the 60s. I never saw anyone else that brave back then.

*steps off soapbox*