@evan At first, I don't trust e-mail with really "private" data either, due to its very nature (store-and-forward, unencrypted metadata, encryption mainly "just" done using PGP/GPG with long-lived private keys closely tied to my identity).
Plus, I think these things don't really compare. E-mail, by default, has access control and whatever is in _my_ mailbox is supposed to be in _my_ mailbox. With maybe the exception of mailing lists, I usually don't have such a thing as an e-mail sent out to a "random public" - it's always addressing one specific recipient and usually supposed to end up in this persons very inbox invisible to someone else. Fediverse, to me, seems more like "the old WWW" here where a lot of things are public by default and anything to reduce visibility is somewhat difficult to do right on top.
Adding to that, for ActivityPub things seem slightly more complex depending on how various implementations handle things. In example, I've seen a bunch of situations in which "private" or "follower-only" messages have made it to public views in Friendica. Not sure whether these issues arising from loopholes or weaknesses in ActivityPub as a spec or "just" flaws in individual implementations, yet this makes me very very cautious how to make sure "private" messages actually remain "private".
cc @heluecht