My brothers and sisters in Christ, Odin, Hari Krishna and so on, FML. I was charting when one of my octogenarians started screaming bloody murder. We run to his room and he's screaming that his penis is on fire. I look and there's his penis looking like it wants to call 911 and get a restraining order. Mind you, this fella is our maniacal masturbator. I look at his bedside table and there's an open tube of Icy hot. No no no NEIN!! Apparently his wife brought it for his knobby knees. There are reasons why patients can't have certain things in their rooms. This being one of them. They got his penis washed up (bet he loved that) and I confiscated his icy hot.
Eight more hours to go.
😵