Fuck these hipsters with their observability bullshit and kpi nonsense

What u need is CRISPYS old fashioned small batch locally sourced organic farm to table SNMP3

- learn to recite MiB numbers like a crackhead
- dont have those MiBs? Go download em
- build your own MiB tables and divorce your wife
- poll statistics from 5 ton refrigerators and network appliances made by companies that predate cable internet.
- pull request? Persistent volume? AN AGENT?! fuck all that and memorize a real long number. Memorize all numbers forever.
- configure your set string to trigger a trap and find out when the raid array draws a normal voltage to its disks.
- drown your whole family in endless metrics and data. Burn your house down and use the insurance money to start a buckwheat farm.