#actuallyautistic sometimes I f&!ing hate being neurotic-variant, hate my mom was narcissist, & damaged me where it is so hard to trust. I hate I wasted 50 years trying to fix the unfixable. I am now I embracing my neurospicy but I get so fucking SAD. I JUST WANT IT TO BE EASY TO TRUST PEOPLE. I want to snap my fingers & trust my partner, but I can’t right now. not cuz of anything he did but cuz of my fucked up all or nothing/black & white brain and it’s stupid RULES.