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Okay so you know, bunch of shitposting and all that, but a serious interlude:

Someone pushed the button to start this rollout. They are probably having a _really_ bad time right now.

If someone at Crowdstrike knows who that is, please go and check on them, give them a hug, tell them it's not their fault, that it's going to be okay. No matter what the company line is on blameless culture whatever, the lizard brain is in charge right now and needs reassurance.