@shrimp @Nudhul me too tbh
i gave up on killing myself though. i mean long ago i realized i couldn't die and that dropped them alot but i still tried on ocassion in a panic. but now with some intense hardships ive come to realize the pain and struggle gives life meaning, and however bad happens to me however much it hurts, deep down ive been enjoying it, in retrospect at lease. so instead of killing myself with the pain it invigirates me. i dont want it to end. i take more risks to hurt more. so i think that'll finally nip it in the butt