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But enough of the expletives, let's talk a bit of what to do instead?

I think good C library design is always built around some kind of opaque context object (possibly multiple), that all relevant functions provided by the library get passed in as first argument. This context object should be allocated by one library function and destroyed by another, but key really is that the library is "dormant" until that constructor is explicitly called by its user, and "dormant" again…