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Well, if you plug the IEEE-488 plug all the way in, things suddenly start to work! @8bitgames 's Hibernated works, and PETSCII Robots, too!
I think this was a resounding success! From literal trash to treasure. I still have to do something about the rust on the top cover, as well as perhaps replacing the regulators with @elosha's low noise switching regulators, to protect the mainboard from future overvoltage events, and make it run much cooler. But at the start I never thought to get this far!