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This is something we don't want to talk about: How do you mourn a parent who was abusive. One part of you feels sad, another part feels relieved, another part feels guilty you feel relieved. When people speak in unrealistic, glowing terms about the deceased--including the parent married to the abuser--you feel angry, then you feel guilty you're angry, then you feel like it could have been worse. And it's intolerable when there's a religious overlay. I'll stop. I just feel anxious.