10/10 girl: wow so you clear about $199,000 a year before taxes and demonstrate a strong discipline for fitness? I’m trying to add everything up based on your outward appearance and the way you carry yourself lol

me: It’s like walter White, who actually ends up slowly picking up the characteristics of the people he murdered. he starts cutting the crust of his sandwiches off because he killed that guy who disliked sandwich crusts in Pinkman’s basement. really makes you wonder why he does it. is it regret that he did it? or something more sinister…

Waiter: sir for fuck sake let me know when to stop pouring this wine it’s about to spill everywhere