People often exert power over us without doing anything. For a year my transition stood mostly still except for being on HRT.
I was going to finish coming out to my family, but couldn't bring myself to talk to my brother. Why? Because after I came out to my dad, he made himself harder to reach over a few of weeks, and eventually ghosted me completely.
For the first months, in my head I played out so many versions of the talk that would get him back on board. But I never found one that could work.
A year after he disappeared I got over it. I let him go. “If my siblings ask my help I'll see you at your funeral.”
I came out to my brother, the thing I'd feared would go to hell—but he was so sweet about it! I had been worrying over absolutely nothing.
And then, it was over! My dad no longer held any power over me.
And that's when that voice in my head disappeared, the one that all day every day for over a year had been pestering me:
— Who are you trying to fool!?