@evan You and I are aligned here, that's great advice.
Implied in your post is "you should write this for a particular job posting" which is huge. I'd rather have nothing than a generic cover letter. When we last posted a job on Indeed we got a _lot_ of "I'm excited to work for your company" with nothing about our specific job or company.
I particularly like how you cover requirements that might not be met. It's a wish list, but if you're missing one completely tell me how you'll be awesome.