@be I really appreciate you talking about it. My partner's parents are Modern Orthodox, and he was raised in a deeply "cult-y" sect; like, they tried HARD to get him to be in the IDF and be a settler. He's been to Israel several times, and said it was awful, even when he was at the peak of his teenage Zionism.
It has been a really difficult time, interpersonally. Not even a week before everything happened, his dad mailed him a freakin' biography of Bibi as his ONLY birthday present from the family. (My partner said "As a Jew, it pains me to throw out a book, but...")
(I hope this isn't me dumping on you when you're already going through so much - I hope that it backs up the points you're making, that even from way outside the religion, I can see the strain that anti-Zionist Jews are experiencing.)