The implications of being labeled a racist are so frightening that they resist any attempts to address even the possibility of any problems with their behavior.
This is how you end up with the phenomenon of people joining progressive/leftist/democratic spaces who use all the right terminology and repeat all the same supportive phrases in public, but still end up acting on discriminatory and biased thoughts and speech in private.
Racism is capital-'c' Complicated.
Institutional racism. Interpersonal racism. Internalized racism. Structural racism.
I have argued for a while now that we *all* have issues with racism, because racism is a system that's been in place for hundreds of years, working on the subconscious minds of everyone around us.
You need to do some work.
I need to do some work. Investigate the thoughts that you have. You don't have to demonize yourself, but you do have to be honest with yourself if you want to be part of a society where racism is a thing of the past.