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The Onion: funny because it could be true, outright silliness, and occasionally painful satire: completely true in the spirit of what we’re facing:

“While we hope catching their exposure early will limit the book’s harmful effects, all we can do now is wait. If we’re lucky, they will make it through and exit just as uneducated as they were before they read it.”
At press time, the entire city of Naples had been placed in lockdown after several of the children reportedly began asking about Rosa Parks, turned trans, violently broke out of their quarantine, and began sprinting towards a local church.

Florida Students Locked In Decontamination Chamber After Exposure To Book
https://www.theonion.com/florida-students-locked-in-decontamination-chamber-afte-1850946012