Fortunately, a wonderful person whipped up a plugin that shims extract functionality into the current version of Cheerio. https://github.com/denkan/cheerio-json-mapper lets you make “what is the shape of the data I want, followed by the selectors necessary to populate it" style templates, complete with repeating sub-blocks and fun bits like that.
Using it has made teasing data out of really complicated pages ORDERS OF MAGNITUDE nicer. Highly recommended.