“Hey Kala, it’s Morrissey. Is everything alright?”

“Honestly Morrissey, no. I’ve had a lot on my mind recently. There’s too many things I can’t answer, there’s too many questions. I can’t keep going in like this anymore. Why are we here? What is the meaning of life? Everything has felt so empty and pointless for so long, and the question I ask above all is ‘why am I still here, why haven’t I killed myself yet?’”

“I see, Kala. That is certainly a lot to have on your mind and I can understand why you’re so down. Luckily I’m a great advice giver. The issue with you right now is how you’re thinking about things. Things can become so much simpler and different tonally when you just shift your viewpoint. Think of your problems this way: So guess what
What? I don't know
Take a knife and drain your life, hahaha (uh, uh, uh)
If it's a depot, gotta bite it (bite, go)
If I see weed, I gotta light it (uh, uh)
If I get feelings, gotta hide it (gotta hide, uh, uh)
If it's illegal, I don't mind it (I don't mind, uh, uh)
I broke my wrist, I gotta ice it (uh)
I wanna see you be my sidekick (uh, uh, uh)
If I post pics, you gotta like it (uh, uh, uh)
If you do this, then you're the nicest (uh, uh)
To be honest, if it's wrong, I don't want to be right
I don't wanna talk if you're not gonna talk to me nice
To be honest, if it's wrong, I don't want to be right
I don't wanna talk if you're not gonna talk to me nice
Talk to me nice, talk to me nice
I don't wanna talk if you're not gonna talk to me nice
Talk to me nice, talk to me nice
I don't wanna talk if you're not gonna talk to me nice
Two strike is nothing, I three-strike it (strike it)
Can't name the feeling, man, that I get (I get)
All this shit, I'm goin' through a crisis (through a crisis)
If you do this for me, you're the nicest (you're the nicest)
You're the nicest, my sleeve pull surprises
How many times I prayed? I pray three, I'm not anxious
Gotta play the game and it's free but not painless
I slide D&G, Silver Link, fuck a razor
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh (be nice to me)
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh (be nice to me)
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh (be nice to me)
Oh (be nice to me)
Drain Gang.”

“Wow Morrissey. That’s beautiful and life changing, I never considered that before. Thanks for shooting that one faggy guy who played guitar for your band btw twin???”