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@YouShallNotPass i think a lot of people have given great answers, i just wanted to add: its easy to overworry and panic about loss of control from HRT, what if it changes X or Y. To get lost in the weeds of what does that mean about the existential nature of the self are we just our hormones are we more etc.

But the thing is, if we bring it back to the physical, theres a concept talked a bit about as "chemical dysphoria". which goes like; we now know that gender identity is in part biologically innate, so what if your brain is expecting other impulses from a diferent sort of hormone profile than the one your gonads end up giving you at puberty - and that conflict between the impulses that would feel natural and enlivening and the impulses you get, makes you feel in conflict with your body, your emotions. An overall sense of alienation from being that leads to the need for control and to try and lock down these feelings as things that dont feel good, as a thing to fight.

If the above might be true, if a different primary hormone profile is what your brain has been expecting all this time then maybe providing it with that is what is needed for your body to finally begin to feel comfortable to exist in?

Like pulling a shard of glass out of your foot that youve learnt to walk on for decades, yeah maybe you will feel differently about the world and life without that shard of glass, but its always still going to be you, its never going to feel alien or like youre being controlled by some other being.

If you start to find yourself wanting things it will be a slow process of discovery and unfurling, and maybe that will just be your brain and your hormones finally working in lock step to unlock your full self.

It may just feel more natural and less like something you have to fight or restrict.