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Yesterday, I was aggressively cruised by a man (I'm nonbinary but masculine presenting, and queer, for context, but also monogamously in a committed relationship). He was ultimately gentle and gracious enough about my firmly turning him down, if obviously disappointed and crestfallen.

His approach was very optimistic. He advertised his wealth, promoted the assumption that I would be completely willing, and that, of course, I would agree within two minutes of meeting him, agree to exchange bodily secretions and phone numbers. He clearly stated a preference for the Asian gentleman.

He said he was a salesman, and he tried to be very convincing.

I turned him down.

I went home, and posted about it on FB. And I got 10 likes. All from women friends. Because I posted about it and chided men about this kind of forceful, opt out approach to dating.

But I left out a crucial detail in the first post and indeed during the event itself. I had the privilege of being able to boldly and directly say "no".

This isn't open to every femme. That's why this kind of opt out romance is so triggering and unwelcome. Because unrequited men can turn violent.

I think silent men are complicit here, allies or not.