When I went to a doctor for a physical exam several years ago they were like "how many drinks per week do you have?" and I'm like PER WEEK? Listen buddy I've got 2 work related engagements this week where they have an open bar, we always have beers at work after lunch on Fridays, and I meet up with coworkers like twice a week for drinks. I don't know, 15?

And that's how I learned that even being a light drinker in Wisconsin makes you an alcoholic