I have heard back from #patreon ! Support writes:
> Thank you for reaching out to Patreon support — I'm happy to help here.
>
> We have a range of resources for using our public API. Self-serve documentation guides for using the API are available at https://docs.patreon.com/ and https://www.patreon.com/portal
>
> For additional questions you can find peer-to-peer resources in our Tech and Dev channel on Discord.
>
> Please feel free to reach out if there's anything else I can do to support you.
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> Kindly, [NAME REDACTED]
"You write a distributed map reduce function in Erlang!"
"Did you just tell me to go fuck myself?"
"I believe I did, Bob."