Sounds almost exactly like a customer I had at a previous job...

Remember stupid shit like "Apache htaccess files being enabled slows down the web cluster because every request causes a check for .htaccess file starting at /.htaccess and your website is 20 dirs deep so even your RAID runs out of IOPS once you're serving a couple hundred reqs/s" ?

Or "your app is calling gettimeofday() every 30 nanoseconds"

Stop abusing computers please 🙏 they have a family too.