@xocolatl @emacsen
> I don’t mean for this to come across as condescending, so please don’t take it that way.

Then please rephrase or rethink entirely how you want to lay your post out because that's 100% how you're putting it.
Specially as: The whole reason I want SQL to be replaced with another language is because I know it enough to know too much of it's quirks.
And it's not that I want existing databases like PostgreSQL or MariaDB to go away, you can change the interface language of a software without having to rewrite something entirely (heck, I'm writing this post on Pleroma, which changed both of client API and server API).