Today I found myself in a very unfortunate headspace that I thought I had gotten rid of years ago but I guess not.

At one point in my early twenties, I did a complete overhaul of my wardrobe in an attempt to no longer draw male attention. I got rid of all my dresses and skirts, all my shorts, all my emo skinny jeans, and all but a couple of emergency short-sleeved shirts. I stopped straightening my hair and got rid of all my jewelry.

Logically, I know there's only so much that can be done. I know that at the end of the day, it doesn't truly matter what you were wearing. But it still felt good to make an effort, cutting down to purely practical things. Definitely saves me a lot of money. And sure a couple things have happened since then but largely my efforts seem to have been successful.

Today though, I'm suddenly being told in detail all the things that are apparently appealing about my face. Then all I could think about was that I really shouldn't have taken off my hat, that it didn't make sense to have taken off my hat. Then of course, someone went out of their way to completely mess up the way the production trailer was organized so even when I caved and went to go find my hat, I couldn't find it for a good five minutes and was legitimately freaking out.

Anyway, it all seems a bit silly now that I'm home. But the illogical part of my brain is still deeply ashamed by the way I guess I decided to present myself to the public. Another fault was the pins on the bag I carry. All sorts of comic book and Star Wars pins. It might not technically be jewelry but it obviously attracts attention. It gives people an opening to start a conversation and me being me I just jump right into it because I can't keep my mouth shut if someone mentions Star Wars. So I guess that's something to think about.