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why do other trans people have such cool life stories

I didn't try on my mom's clothes
I didn't hang out with the girls at school
I didn't play with makeup
I didn't "act like a girl"
I didn't hate my name
I didn't cross dress
I didn't let myself look inwards
I didn't get told "we always suspected" when I came out

I didn't know

I just felt sad and wrong and I didn't know why.
I was hollow and my emotions didn't make sense
every relationship I tried went sour because I didn't feel anything

if I didn't get that time during covid to really think, I might never have figured it out. I might have gone my entire life as a sad but ok most of the time, guy

it always hurts when I read or hear some trans person's journey as they recount every instance where it was "clearly a sign" and they were just born in the wrong body and they were basically a girl anyway and...

because of this, I just never related to these few trans people I saw in the public eye. I thought of it as this rare disorder that was for therapists to diagnose

it took me a while to realize it wasn't about who I had been. It was about who I wanted to become