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It's fixed! And it wasn't a Gradle bug! It's just *even more cursed than I could have possibly imagined*!

Another Tusky contributor found the solution:

https://github.com/mcclure/Tusky/pull/1/files

When you call providers.exec {} to call a command line file, this *looks* like a function, *but it isn't*. It's a "task", which is some Gradle thing, and it's *expected* to fail the whole build instantly instead of throwing an exception.

You have to *request* an exception, with flag
executionResult.rethrowFailure()