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My mother died.
It was unexpected.
Last week I became
engulfed in the flames
of her technicalities.

A coming out ago, I grieved
for a mother lost, who remained
only to push people away.
She spoke of things steadfastly
like they weren't happening to her,
codependent and self-fulfilled,
blind consumer in a fantasy
built so she could use it all up,
like she did so many times
leaving nothing with depth,
just mock surprises, fictions
and false stories.

Stripped of my titles;
So Talented, So Gifted, So Smart;
my wisdom fades to fail judgement,
each moment a technicality
that feels swollen
and unexpected.

Jobless and moneyless my feet
swing out from under me,
her ex-jeweled hand reaching
to try and pull me to her slumber,
the object of her selfishness:
no longer her mirror
she finally watches me fall
alongside her heart,
not in it.

#poetry