@hellomiakoda Yep. I'm not going to say I exactly understand what you're going through (I don't, as far as I know I'm not a system and have never been), but I have enough awareness of my own lack of knowledge to ... take your word for it. This is something that hurts you, and I understand feeling grief when such and integral part of you dies or disappears (if you have shared what happened, I haven't read it, and if you haven't, I'm not planning on prying).
I wish society as a whole would move away from this "if it's not 'normal' it's broken" thing >.<