Reinstall laptop, 'cause update drift means random shit no longer works.
Pxeboot is set up, doesn't work? No time to debug; burn a USB stick.
Graphical installer freezes after initrd, before installer.
Run text installer. Ugly, but works.
Installed. Salt-minion won't connect to the master, says master's key is too old and I must upgrade its version of salt.
😡