You will be a real Santa believer. You have milk, you have cookies, you have Christmas cheer. You are a merry man blessed by Santa and family into a happy day of presents and relaxation. All the “presents” you get are exactly what you asked for. Behind your back Santa put them under your tree. Your parents are definitely not the ones who put them there, your “friends” are happy because they have their own presents behind closed doors. Elves are utterly happy for you. Thousands of years of evolution have allowed elves to make presents with incredible efficiency. Even santa enjoyers who “are naughty” get useful coal. Your lifestyle structure is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a present you don't like, Santa’ll turn tail and bolt the second he realized his mistake. You will be happy. You wrench out a smile Christmas morning and tell yourself it’s going to be cold outside, but deep inside you feel the merriment creeping up like a weed, ready to elevate you under the unbearable joy. Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a tree, tie a string of lights, put it around your tree, and plunge into the Christmas season. Your parents will find you, relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable Santa denial of redditors. They’ll wake you with a stocking marked with your birth name, and every passerby for the rest of Christmas will know a man was merry there. Your body will eat much food and go back to the sleep, and all that will remain of your Christmas is a feeling that is unmistakably warm. This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.