Artemis
It occurs to me now that the reason my brother is always complaining about "the system" is not because he wants to be outside of it.
I was just thinking while taking my meds that he should consider medication to help him pick himself up.
And I know what he'd say...he doesn't want to be medicated just so he can fit in & be a good little worker bee.
To which I say... well, why would you do that? The medication is so that you have what it takes to take care of yourself.
Artemis
When I first started anti-depressants/mood stabilizers, I was in an abusive marriage that was making me suicidal.
Did the meds take away the pain & misery of my situation? Not one bit. Did they give me a baseline of stability that helped me survive & eventually leave that my abusive spouse? Oh, yes.
Artemis
I'm not trying to shill for Big Pharma here, but if you are someone for whom life feels like a constant psychic knife wound...consider finding a good psychiatrist, if you can (sadly, this is easier said than done), & find out if there is medication that can help you.
There is no perfect solution. I am lucky to be best case scenario: I have never been put on a medication that gave me bad side effects, so I can't speak to that experience, but...they have the *potential* to change your life.
Artemis
It's just... he's been saying he's on the verge of drowning for 15 years. He could maybe try the thing that saved his sister from drowning 10 years ago.
I'm still struggling. Life isn't fucking easy. But between him & me, one of us has a whole-ass life, & one of us wakes up screaming every morning.
Maybe it's time to see if someone can fucking help.
Artemis
This sounds ridiculous but he won't give up high-paying jobs that make him miserable in favor of lower paying jobs where he might be significantly less stressed. He hates being part of the "corporate system," but he IS corporate, through & through.
He won't walk away. So yeah, if HE took psych meds it would be so that he could do well for his boss, but that's on him. I take them so I can keep going.
They only serve "the system" if YOU serve the system.
Artemis
They don't make you "happy," but I told my mom when I first started that in a way it felt like the first time I had actually experienced *sadness* in a long time, because some of the depression background noise finally quieted down & I could feel real, genuine sadness, & that helped me. I was able to experience & examine how my situation & relationships were affecting me negatively, because the fog of depression started to life.
Artemis
But seriously, I had not experienced sadness, genuine deep sadness, for years at that point. I had forgotten what it felt like to be "only" sad.
I think medication helped me more with finding the emotions people might consider "negative" like sadness & anger than with "positive" emotion. I was able to experience happiness even through much of my depression, but I couldn't FEEL the emotional pain & was therefore ignoring the signals that should have told me something was actually wrong.
Artemis
And now the stupid ADHD stimulants are improving my relationships, because I am able to focus when other people speak to me & can switch my attention from one thing to another when I need to.
It almost sort of bothers me because I did start those with the intention of being able to accomplish the work of my life (both paid & not), but the biggest positive effect is that I can be present with people without putting enormous strain on myself to do so.
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