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commencement speaker "I'm so honored to be here, at the apex of you all spending 4 years and tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of dollars and delaying your dreams for a chance to get into the job market! I'm proud to announce that soon, there will be no job market, because AI is going to take all of it! But don't worry, the only jobs we'll let you have will be boring, mindless, depressing work that will only serve to further my power over you. It's alright, though: we've also made sure there's no social safety net. Medicare, social security? Those are gone, don't worry! You'll be drowning in debt, unable to get medical care, and you won't even be able to google your symptoms anymore because we've flooded the internet with lies! Why are you all booing me?! It's fine, you won't have water to drink and you won't be able to afford the electricity needed to turn the AC on in your overpriced, turn of the century house that was built to withstand intense winters that won't ever happen again! STOP WITH THE BOOING, LET ME FINISH! We'll harvest your bones to make our bread, and that's the most amazing thing since the industrial revolution kickstarted this slide into complete shit, and you should feel grateful that you're now educated to know just how bollocks it all really is! What is your problem?! I'm a GUEST, let me FINISH SPEAKING..."

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