Conversation

Notices

1. Embed this notice
   timberwraith (timberwraith@mastodon.social)'s status on Thursday, 15-Jan-2026 03:14:14 JST timberwraith

   Since I'm on the topic of body sensations...

   I was chatting with a transfem friend on the phone a couple of days ago, and the topic of dissociation from one's body came up.

   It's not uncommon for trans people to be disconnected and distanced from their bodies because it's rather traumatic to waltz around existence wearing a body that just feels... well, quite *wrong*.

   • Embed this notice
     timberwraith (timberwraith@mastodon.social)'s status on Thursday, 15-Jan-2026 03:14:12 JST timberwraith

     in reply to

     One form of dissociation I have related to one's body is more abstract.

     I absolutely do NOT see my body as an extension of myself. I see it as very separate from self. I see it as a thing, a kind of housing or external surface that I wear as a matter of course.

     I am not my body. My body is not me.

     THAT has been fairly consistent across the years, going back to at least my teens.

     But I'm pretty aware of what this body is doing, regardless.

   • Embed this notice
     timberwraith (timberwraith@mastodon.social)'s status on Thursday, 15-Jan-2026 03:14:13 JST timberwraith

     in reply to

     I started to ponder this a bit when I was chatting with my friend, though.

     Did I have this hyper-awareness *before* I medically transitioned?

     I honestly don't remember. I know I've had a hyper-awareness of my internal emotional states since I was a teen. That's a body sensation in many ways but it's not the same as feeling all of your body sensations.

     I just don't know...

   • Embed this notice
     timberwraith (timberwraith@mastodon.social)'s status on Thursday, 15-Jan-2026 03:14:13 JST timberwraith

     in reply to

     But what I did remember is that I became A LOT more focused on internal sensations in my body as I started to take HRT. I was searching for changes, any changes in how my body's functions were being altered by HRT.

     I think I might have gotten into a habit of having this hyper-awareness from those years of bodily change and the curiosity that came with it?

     I know that I was very, very focused on this at the time. That's a strong memory.

     I don't remember what came before that, though.

   • Embed this notice
     timberwraith (timberwraith@mastodon.social)'s status on Thursday, 15-Jan-2026 03:14:13 JST timberwraith

     in reply to

     I can usually figure out an answer to questions like this regarding my past but this is one I don't have an accurate answer for.

     Maybe that's telling in and of itself? I don't know.

     Mr. Bill repeated this.
   • Embed this notice
     timberwraith (timberwraith@mastodon.social)'s status on Thursday, 15-Jan-2026 03:14:14 JST timberwraith

     in reply to

     The thing is, I can't remember how much of this I experienced because I medically transitioned so long ago.

     I know that I now experience the *opposite* condition where I'm hyper-aware of what happens in my body. I've had several people comment across the years that I seem to have an awareness of internal sensations that seems unusually heightened.

     I take that for granted, really. I didn't realize that was unusual.