myrmepropagandist
I think that adults don't do anything about the bullying and have not created any way for students to say it is happening is the real failure.
And if kids want to use the wider internet they still can. I just think what we have now is by default exclusionary since only those kids with parents who help them use the internet, or those with parents who don't care know what's going on at all.
Jennifer Kayla | Theogrin 🦊
@pteryx @futurebird @faithisleaping
A.R. Moxon has a pretty good statement on bullies and the fact that they will always continue to push, and push, and push some more, unless a line is clearly drawn. They make it impossible to ignore them. Their actions are calculated to that effect. Only when it's made clear that they can't push more, either through the intervention of authority or the victim lashing back out in a way they can't ignore, do they finally stop.
Every adult who pretends otherwise is an enabler.
Pteryx the Puzzle Secretary
@futurebird @faithisleaping
"Just ignore them." 'How?' "Pretend they're not there." 'How?'
"Remember, 'Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me.'" — I WILL KILL EVERYONE YOU LOVE IN FRONT OF YOU AND THEN YOU, FACULTY SCUM
Pteryx the Puzzle Secretary
@futurebird @faithisleaping
Of course, there were *also* attempts at deflection on the part of all the faculty I ever had to deal with (I went to a few different schools when I was very young):
"It's not 'bullying', it's just teasing. Calling it bullying if they don't hit you is not allowed."
...followed up with, "If they're teasing you, that must mean they like you! 😀 " (I had to learn the word "malicious" in second grade to stop that one.)
Pteryx the Puzzle Secretary
@futurebird @faithisleaping
At first, the teachers *did* scold the bullies... and that didn't work, which meant that the teachers got frustrated with my continuing to ask them to perform a futile task, which quite frankly had a lot to do with them starting to treat me as the problem for expecting them to do their jobs.
myrmepropagandist
Oh the kids I've spoken to know what they are doing too. They do not like having it pointed out by an adult.
That the adults didn't do anything for you or acted like they couldn't is a failure on their part.
Kids will be mean on purpose because it can feel grown up and powerful. They see it in media, or they know an adult like that. They don't always think about the fallout fully.
But when another adult isn't impressed it's not so mature and worldly seeming anymore.
Pteryx the Puzzle Secretary
@futurebird @faithisleaping
I'm pretty sure the majority of my own bullies knew damned well that they were being mean and no one would want to be treated the way I was; beyond merely not caring, they actively wanted to harm me specifically. There *was*, however, a minority who didn't actually *want* to bully me and was peer-pressured into it.
myrmepropagandist
In fact, I've seen some pretty dramatic changes just from pointing out that "no one wants to be treated like that" and "you are being mean."
It's your job if you are the adult.
myrmepropagandist
"I half-wonder if some faculty secretly thinks bullying is a *good* thing that punishes misfits for them."
There are adults who think this. They are real and they are incorrect.
No, I can't make an outcast kid feel like they are a part of the class 100 percent. But, I can make them feel like they are just as valued as everyone else and deserve to be treated with respect.
Teens don't like it when you point out they are being a jerk. They will stop, or tone it down.
Pteryx the Puzzle Secretary
@futurebird @faithisleaping
Beyond just not doing anything about bullies, the school system I went to treated *me* as the problem for 1) *being* bullied, 2) honestly expecting teachers to do their alleged job in stopping bullies, and 3) just generally not fitting in (*especially* because "fitting in" is what girls are "supposed to be" good at).
I half-wonder if some faculty secretly thinks bullying is a *good* thing that punishes misfits for them.
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