Shiina
Is it a New York thing? I feel 100% at east speaking to a stranger, e.g., in elevators, on the street. This is something I picked up after moving to NYC. Or maybe a city thing--I felt equally at east speaking to ppl in, say, Seattle. But not sure if you do that as easily in other cities??
This is not done in Tokyo. I did grow up there so I know the social mores (should be spelled "moeurs") but if I stay in Tokyo too long, I get psychologically claustrophobic for not being able to talk to ppl.
Shiina
(Re: US
When I visited a small beach town in CT, it felt more...class conscious. I got gawked at by this WASPy elder couple as if I was committing a social crime by....like being an Asian and walking in THEIR town. So in that town I didn't feel like talking to ppl.....
Shiina
@irwin methinks this was Madison or Clinton. There was a posh harbor
irwin
@YoWatShiinaEsq Now I have to know which town (since I go there a lot)
Shiina
@colorfusion Oh wow, that sounds uncomfortable... yeah maybe I can/should be a bit more conscious of the possibility that the other person might not want to be talked to. But then again, you don't know until you try? I try not to startle ppl in Japan b/c I know they are not used to it. (But I do sometimes strike a nice conversation there too, esp. with elder ladies.)
colorfusion :kirby_fly:
@YoWatShiinaEsq I’d day is the opposite for me, I’m bad at small talk no matter where I am, and in New York people don’t try to talk to me that much. When I’m traveling white people (especially older men) would try to do small talk, and it’s so awkward because they would say things like New York is so dangerous and offer unsolicited opinion on immigration and police, I’ve learned to just smile and get away as soon as I can.
?
@YoWatShiinaEsq felt the same way in Vermont
Like wow guys, did you know Asians also eat food and grocery shop! ✨
Shiina
@vaguelyweird ah yeah? like they aren’t used to seeing various types of humans?!?!
Kanako
@YoWatShiinaEsq I think it IS a big city thing where strangers talk to each other easily.
This couple gawked at you because where they live is probably more homogeneous and they are not used to dealing with people who are different. But in larger cities, that people are different is given simply because there are more people.
Combined with the American tendency to be chatty with strangers, living in a large American city creates some very interesting opportunities to meet people.
hina_shella
@YoWatShiinaEsq
I felt the same way in a small town in CANADA. When we went to A&W, all the ppl coudn't help watching us. It was a decade ago, but this year I felt the same way.
Shiina
@hina_shella Oh ugh..sorry you had that too. It's SOOOOO uncomfortable and upsetting. It's ignorance and stupidity on their part but that doesn't make it okay at all.
Shiina
@teddydale Yeah, I agree. In cities like NYC everyone is different anyway. I guess that couple's behavior was hideous (even my caucasian friend who was with me commented on it) b/c of the underlying racism.
I wish Tokyo can be a bit like NYC in that regard. It's a big city too but ppl are so stressed out & strangers seem to communicate with each other only when some roles (e.g., vendor/customer) are assigned.
yt_canada
@YoWatShiinaEsq
I've never visited WASPy towns, so I can't really tell, but I guess they wanted to know (or inspect? ) you first before engaging any conversations.
Shiina
@yt_canada Well that couple and I definitely did NOT exchange any verbal communications. Their behavior was hideous. Ugh.
Shiina
@yt_canada Oh wow, in Osaka too? I heard that Kansai ppl are more friendly than Tokyoites.
yt_canada
@YoWatShiinaEsq
I totally understand it. I think it's not strange to have small talks in "cities", but not in small towns... I live in one of cities in Canada and like to have small talks with strangers at grocery stores, bus stops etc., but I can't do it in Japan. When I was at bus stop in Osaka and said to a next lady "it's very muggy day, isn't it?" and she looked at me with surprised face and no response. So I shut my mouth.?
Kanako
@YoWatShiinaEsq Japanese and British are similar in that they don’t do small talks unless they are at a social event where you are in the company of “vouched-for” people. In J or B, it is important to know who you are speaking with and why. When I lived in Tokyo after living in US for over a decade, I made the mistake of trying to do small talks with strangers, say, in a dog park only to be ignored. In US, the only requirement for conversation is some common ground, but not enough in J or B!
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