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   Evan Prodromou (evan@cosocial.ca)'s status on Sunday, 06-Jul-2025 02:26:50 JST Evan Prodromou

   Thanks to everybody who replied. My feeling is "often". DMs are a technology that allows people to have confidential conversations if they agree to it. There are some tacit indicators that show that I want this discussion to be confidential, like sharing something personal or including personally-identifying information. But it is a negotiation, not an intrinsic contract.

   • Embed this notice
     Evan Prodromou (evan@cosocial.ca)'s status on Sunday, 06-Jul-2025 02:30:31 JST Evan Prodromou

     in reply to

     You can't use DMs to bully people, and then get mad that they share the DMs. Unless they agreed to confidentiality with you, there is no problem with sharing your DMs. If you feel like there was a tacit agreement and they betrayed your confidence, get better at negotiating next time.

     It is nice to ask if you want to share something with others, but not required. Don't commit to confidentiality if you don't trust the other person or people.

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     Evan Prodromou (evan@cosocial.ca)'s status on Sunday, 06-Jul-2025 02:31:56 JST Evan Prodromou

     in reply to

     This is like physical in-person communications. If you are going to tell someone a secret, get their assent first. Being explicit is your safest bet and very much appreciated by all other communicating beings.

   • Embed this notice
     Evan Prodromou (evan@cosocial.ca)'s status on Sunday, 06-Jul-2025 02:37:48 JST Evan Prodromou

     in reply to

     • Laffy

     This is inspired by @GottaLaff 's recent post but not a poll about that specific incident, for which I don't have context or details.

     https://mstdn.social/@GottaLaff/114795800480986835

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     Evan Prodromou (evan@cosocial.ca)'s status on Sunday, 06-Jul-2025 02:38:33 JST Evan Prodromou

     in reply to

     • Rabbit Cohen

     @BathysphereHat I have never made that connection! Is it intentional?

   • Embed this notice
     Rabbit Cohen (bathyspherehat@mastodon.online)'s status on Sunday, 06-Jul-2025 02:38:34 JST Rabbit Cohen

     in reply to

     @evan I agree. I think my answer of "often" also comes from a place of having been a bit of a microcelebrity back on Twitter, where I got loads of DMs from strangers. If you're cold DMing someone, that person has no obligation (in most cases) to keep that communication private.

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     Rabbit Cohen (bathyspherehat@mastodon.online)'s status on Sunday, 06-Jul-2025 02:38:34 JST Rabbit Cohen

     in reply to

     @evan That said, there are times when strangers have DM'd me when I felt obligated to keep what they said confidential, like people who thought they might be trans, people who've told me that they were abused or assaulted by someone I knew, or people who misread my name and thought I was a rabbi.

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     Evan Prodromou (evan@cosocial.ca)'s status on Sunday, 06-Jul-2025 02:43:27 JST Evan Prodromou

     in reply to

     • Richard MacManus

     @ricmac what about an email from a rando?

   • Embed this notice
     Richard MacManus (ricmac@mastodon.social)'s status on Sunday, 06-Jul-2025 02:43:28 JST Richard MacManus

     in reply to

     @evan Personally I view it the other way round: a DM is confidential unless you both agree otherwise. It’s like email sent from a friend or acquaintance: I wouldn’t share a personal email to me unless I got the other person’s ok. That’s just how I see it (fwiw I voted ‘never’, but probably ‘rarely’ would’ve been better).

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     Evan Prodromou (evan@cosocial.ca)'s status on Sunday, 06-Jul-2025 02:44:14 JST Evan Prodromou

     in reply to

     • Rabbit Cohen

     @BathysphereHat OK, but: beard

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     Rabbit Cohen (bathyspherehat@mastodon.online)'s status on Sunday, 06-Jul-2025 02:44:15 JST Rabbit Cohen

     in reply to

     @evan It's not! It didn't even occur to me until I had a very awkward conversation with someone who, it transpired, had misread my name as "Rabbi Cohen".

   • Embed this notice
     Evan Prodromou (evan@cosocial.ca)'s status on Sunday, 06-Jul-2025 02:48:03 JST Evan Prodromou

     in reply to

     • Richard MacManus

     @ricmac I think also when someone has a story under embargo, they need to specify it in the email, and usually get your buy-in before sharing the information, right?