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Story time! This is long so I’ll 👋 should you scroll on by. Involves bullying but has a happy ending.

Today is my daughter’s last day at her school as she finishes 8th grade. We moved her and her brother out of the local public school 4 years ago, after they both did a full year of Zoom school due to COVID lockdown for 4th grade and kindergarten, respectively. If anyone asked me if I’d send my kids to private school I’d have been moderately offended. Both I and Mr. Nay went to public schools. I believe in public education, etc.

In 2nd grade the bullying started, peaking in 3rd grade. We’re talking middle school mean girls relational aggression shit. I was floored. The school did nothing, despite multiple meetings with the principal, who was new and spoke to me like a lawyer. She knew I’m a psychologist so maybe that affected the dynamic, I don’t know.

My daughter’s personality fundamentally changed from the bullying. People who knew her since she was a baby started asking what was wrong with her because she was no longer so outgoing. The principal admitted my kid was in a “particularly bad cohort.”

So I tried to socialize with the parents to help my kid and instead developed clinical depression that led me to take Wellbutrin for about a year. Turns out the apples didn’t fall far from the tree. It was like being thrust back into high school in my early 40s. I seriously considered moving out of the country. I was incredibly naive about suburban white moms and learned real fast what was expected and I failed miserably.

Then COVID lockdowns hit at the end of 3rd grade and my fucking god it was a relief in terms of getting her out of that environment. It also allowed us to pretty quickly identify she has ADHD. But inattentive type, so her teachers never flagged her. Her grades were fine. But she could in no way navigate her shitty peers.

I learned about her current school, which is secular and caters to kids with ADHD and others who may not fit into traditional public school models, from a patient. My mom offered to pay for half the tuition, and we transferred both kids.

Yes, I’m privileged to have the means to do this. That’s not lost on me in the slightest.

About 2 years ago my daughter told me she got her self-esteem back, having gone to her school and the experience she was having there. I shudder to think what would’ve happened to her if she stayed. Our fundamental core beliefs are shaped at these ages, and that’s all my psychologist brain was seeing happen in real time.

So now she’s headed back into public school in the fall for high school. Rejoining the assholes from her old cohort but with 2300 other students. Nearly a brown belt in karate, confident in herself, and way better prepared for the hell of suburban bullshit. She’s a bit nervous but I keep telling her she’ll find her people.

At the end of each year the teachers at her school vote on and give a little award for what best describes each kid’s character and this year she was given “integrity.” She’s going to be fine.

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