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   Nowhere Girl (gwynnion@mastodon.social)'s status on Wednesday, 14-May-2025 05:59:38 JST Nowhere Girl

   When I was first transitioning, I wanted to be a head-turner. You know? Just beautiful and delicate. Someone people could love.

   (And I still do.)

   But my not yet boyfriend recognized I had a lot of unprocessed anger at the way I'd been treated by my family and society.

   My first TTRPG character, my namesake, Gwynnion, was -- if not virtue incarnate then at least a soft touch, someone who was willing to sacrifice herself to do the right thing.

   But he suggested I dig deeper.

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     Nowhere Girl (gwynnion@mastodon.social)'s status on Wednesday, 14-May-2025 05:59:36 JST Nowhere Girl

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     Anyway, if you've followed me for any length of time, you can probably tell that's the big dividing line in my personality. I don't feel compelled to swallow my anger, especially at injustice.

     And unfortunately, it sometimes feels like that's the only side of me I really show online because things are always terrible. But it's honest?

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     Aral Balkan (aral@mastodon.ar.al)'s status on Wednesday, 14-May-2025 05:59:36 JST Aral Balkan

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     @gwynnion 💕

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     Nowhere Girl (gwynnion@mastodon.social)'s status on Wednesday, 14-May-2025 05:59:37 JST Nowhere Girl

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     I don't recommend using role-playing games as therapy.

     It's an advanced technique.

     I don't think anyone expected THAT.

     And as metaphors go, being turned into an unholy monster with a dead heart sitting in your chest and a thirst for a life you can never have is an inexact metaphor for being trans.

     Woof. For sure.

     But girls don't get a lot of chances to work out their anger in a safe and accepting environment, you know?

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     Nowhere Girl (gwynnion@mastodon.social)'s status on Wednesday, 14-May-2025 05:59:37 JST Nowhere Girl

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     One of the funniest things about that game was -- because Katherine had turned into something they didn't recognize or accept, almost all of her friends hated her and wanted to kill her.

     Even the ones who were also vampires!

     So metaphors. Yeah. Irony can pretty ironic sometimes.

     I eventually found my level, I found that voice that's capable of speaking rage and righteous anger even as I still want to be Little Miss Princess, and I'm a saner person for it, I think.

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     Nowhere Girl (gwynnion@mastodon.social)'s status on Wednesday, 14-May-2025 05:59:37 JST Nowhere Girl

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     Katherine got better eventually, too.

     I have a distinct mental image of her lying on a slab and giving a thumb's up for someone to chop her head off.

     For science! The version of her that came back was like: "Okay, I think that's out of my system. Good job. Thanks."

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     Nowhere Girl (gwynnion@mastodon.social)'s status on Wednesday, 14-May-2025 05:59:38 JST Nowhere Girl

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     I really wanted to play "Vampire: The Masquerade." I played "Werewolf" once but it didn't click. I wanted to be a femme fatale, you know?

     But he suggested I play a Gangrel, the animalistic vampires. He thought that might be more of a stretch? I might learn something!

     I was like, "Okay, sure, LOL."

     So I created a character which, if you've read my stories, you might know as Katherine Ducote from "You Only Die Twice" and "Shadow Play."

     And so much pain and rage gushed out of me like blood.