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I don't know how many in the autistic community have played the ttrpg called Vampire: The Masquerade, but I've had some interesting insights about the game since my self-realization that I'd like to share about it.

In the game, vampires are divided into clans, each with their own vampire powers, weaknesses, culture, outlook, and goals. For example the Brujah clan are known as rebels and strong fighters, while the Ventrue clan are aristocratic, manipulative, and like to be in charge.

One clan is called Malkavian, and the only thing that they all have in common is that they are all insane. It's even in the rules that you have a pick a mental illness that your character suffers from, such as being bipolar, or has multiple personalities. Other than that, they have the greatest diversity of any clan, and can look like anything, act like anything, have any goals, beliefs, etc.

But since learning about autism and neurodivergence, I've come to the belief that Malkavians were never about mental illness, but instead neurodivergence. They don't just suffer from their affliction and that's the sum of them. There's talk about how they are often regarded as seers, prophets, and oracles, that they see the truth of things that others do not. They often have trouble communicating these truths to other people, and often have trouble even understanding the social rules of "normal" vampire society. They sometimes feel as though they live in another reality altogether, but it is one that they all seem to share. Regardless of their near infinite diversity, they mostly seem to just "get" each other, can communicate more easily with each other, and even share ideas on a level not accessible to other vampires (called the "Malkavian Madness Network"). One of their vampire powers even lets them change their appearance, called "Mask of 1000 Faces", so "masking" is something many of them are familiar with. Another power of theirs gives them supernatural insight, such as seeing people's auras or reading their minds. Yet another ability is psychically making others ignore them, as though they were invisible. They often have to hide as a defense mechanism due to the abuse they receive from others for being different. They are often misunderstood, but when they aren't, they can make powerful allies.

There was a time when many people were getting upset because people played the Malkavians as silly, complaining that the players were not treating the subject of mental illness seriously. But like I said, I don't think that they were ever supposed to be about mental illness, but rather neurodiversity. I think that the creators of the game had a good grasp of the subject, but just didn't have the words we use today to classify it. The Malkavians are treated as mentally ill, even though they are just different, and the fact they actually have to have a mental illness according to the rules I think is just a reflection of how many of us suffer from mental illnesses *in addition* to our neurodivergence, not because of it.

All this would explain why I took to that clan the moment I first heard of them, and have been a big fan ever since. In addition to playing them in both tabletop and live games, I've written about them, from stories, to poems, songs, even had a website at one time. They've been a big part of me for a long time now, and now I think I know why. Also I wonder how many other people who have played Malkavians were also neurodivergent in real life.

#ActuallyAutistic #NeuroDiversity #neurodivergent @actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic
There's another connection between the Malkavian clan and autistic/ND people that has occurred to me. (Read the above post for context if you haven't already.) In the 1st edition of the Malkavian Clanbook, there is a section describing the "Stages of Madness". Again, this was formally talking about the true insanity that all Malkavians suffer from, but I can see parallels that I'll describe after.

The first Stage of Madness is called Fool. At this stage the Malkavian doesn't appear very insane at all, even to themselves. They might have the odd twitch or quirk in their behaviour, but otherwise, they continue on much as they did before they became a vampire.

But over time the Curse of Malkav grows stronger within the fledgling. They have a harder and harder time controlling their actions, understanding what's happening to them, or even what's going on around them. As mentioned before, each Malkavian's illness is different, so they will each experience it in different ways, but the common factor is that they find it harder and harder to act like everything's normal, to keep control of their unusual impulses and thoughts, and it effects their whole life, relationships, and emotional well being. The problem eventually gets so bad that they reach what is called the Maniac stage. Here you will see the loudest outbursts, and most outrageous behaviour of any Malkavian. They simply can't control themselves anymore, and often become a danger to themselves and/or others. Many of the Malkavians that aren't 'dealt with' by others are driven to suicide, and indeed Malkavians have the highest suicide rate of any of the clans.

A good analogy for this stage would be to imagine the person in river rapids, desperately clinging to a rock. The waters get faster and faster, and it takes more and more effort to try and maintain where they are. It's exhausting, and even damaging, being battered by the waters so hard. Eventually, either Malkavian dies for whatever reason, or they eventually get too tired to hang on any more.

The only way past this stage is if the Malkavian learns to no longer fight the madness inside them. It cannot be cured, nor controlled, and fighting it is what has been causing them all the anguish they've been suffering. This would be like them letting go of the rock that was their old life, or the illusion of what they thought they were, and letting the waters sweep them down river. And just like floating uncontrolled down river rapids, it's a dangerous time, and very unpredictable. You may get caught on a branch. You may crash into a rock. You often get turned around and even end up with your head underwater at times. It can be a frightening time, that loss of control, with no idea where the currents will take you. To the outside world, the Malkavian has lost all their sense, and is seldom worth engaging. But at least they are not in as much danger as they were in the previous stage. It may seem like giving up, but it's actually a step in the right direction.

This is because, given enough time, and some luck, the Malkavian will begin to notice patterns in their madness, like charting the currents of the chaotic waters. Once they get to know them well enough, they can begin to make small adjustments, nudging themselves over from one current to another. By knowing the paths that the various currents take, they can hop from one, to another, to another, and eventually get to where they really want to go. It will seldom be the fastest way to get there, but with enough practice, it becomes instinctive, and virtually effortless. This is the Lunatic stage, where the Malkavian is no longer at the mercy of the seemingly random whims of their insanity, but instead they've learned how to use it--not by fighting against it--but instead by working with it. At this stage Malkavians appear just as unpredictable to others as always, except this time, they often seem to come out on top, seemingly by accident. This perplexes the other vampires, and makes many of them very nervous. The Malkavian's plans and motivations become virtually inscrutable.

Over even more time, an elder Malkavian will have become so good at using their madness, that they can accomplish major plans, and often with methods superior to that of normal vampires. They can even do it while appearing perfectly normal if they wish, so great is their level of understanding and control. This final phase is also called Fool, like the first stage, because to the rest of the world, it is virtually indistinguishable from it. The cycle is complete. There are even some who speculate that the whole cycle begins anew, as the Malkavian proceeds to learn some new aspect of themselves and their madness, on a whole new level of self-discovery.

So that completes the description of the Malkavian Stages of Madness. Some of you may have already noticed some parallels with neurodivergence, but I will give my thoughts on it anyway, then maybe we can compare notes.

Obviously there are some differences. A Malkavian begins this process when they become a vampire, so they had an entire life before that to which it didn't apply. Neurodivergence on the other hand, starts from birth (unless you want to talk about acquired ND like with brain injuries, then this analogy applies even more to you). But we can look at this time as being similar to that experienced by those who were diagnosed or self-realized later in life. They've spent so long trying to act "normal", but over the years it just gets harder to do, until they begin suffering from burnout, depression, meltdowns, PTSD, or any number of other actual maladies (even physical ones). Sounds a lot like the second stage, doesn't it?

And then, when someone is diagnosed, or self-realizes, and assuming that they get good advice (or figure it out on their own), they learn that they don't have to act "normal", that doing so is what causes most if not all of their problems. Granted, not acting normal comes with its own dangers, just like with the Malkavians, so it can be scary to try and "let go" and just be yourself. Strategies like doing it in stages, only at opportune times, seeking accommodations, and spending more time with other ND people can help the process. But it can still be scary not knowing where this will take you, learning about who you really are. But at the same time, a relief, not having to fight those currents that only seemed to get stronger over time. This is the third stage.

And I think that there is wisdom in the description of the fourth stage as well. Not only should one learn to not fight their true nature anymore, but instead learn as much as you can about it. Yes, it can and will cause problems from time to time, but by learning more you can learn to navigate those currents, avoiding trouble more often, as well as more often getting to where you'd actually like to go. It won't be by any path that "normal" people would use, or expect, or even recommend, but you have a better chance of getting there. You might even find better ways of doing so than conventional wisdom can accomplish. What was once a weakness can become a strength.

So again, I think that the writers of this book and other parts of the game actually had a pretty good grasp of the broader issues surrounding neurodivergence, and simply couched it in the metaphor of the insane vampire, the Malkavians. Whether this was deliberate, or instead an almost subconscious understanding seeking expression, it would be interesting to know.

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