Conversation

Dear Germans:

No, I did not send the letter
before the date you clearly said I had to
send the letter.
No, I did not call the clinic,
and when I did it was not Sprech
zeiten, and I started crying,
and I did not try again.
No, there is no particular reason why
I didn't read the part of the letter
that said the contract can only be cancelled
with three months of advance notice sent by
Post.
I was reading the glyphs carved by bore-bugs
on toadflax leaves by the rotting wood.
No, I did not do my tax declaration.
No, I did not floss since last visit.
I do not remember the difference between a Steuernummer and a Steuer
identifikationsnummer.
No, I did not lüft the räume five minutes every morning.
No, I did not kill the mold on the corner of the wall either,
the mold is there for so long that it feels like my friend.
I do not like to do it,
the killing.
The mold and me, we're the same,
I am mold hot and humid on perfect German walls,
and all the Germans are shopping for Schimmelentferner,
not the öko bio one that doesn't kill, the kind based on
bleach.
No, I still cannot speak German
no, after all these years I cannot speak German
I am not strong enough to speak German
I will never speak German
every time I try to speak German you don't understand my accent
and correct my genders and
I want to die.
No, I did not bring a Überweisung.
No, I do not know the name of my
Hausartzt.
No, I did not call in advance to make a Termin.
I only insisted five times for the Ausländerbehörde
to send me the PIN to my electronic Aufenthaltstitel
it's my fault I don't have one.
No, I did not deescalate the situation,
I could have deescalated the situation,
I chose to escalate the situation,
I did not act responsible like a mother should do
I punched that Nazi because I wanted to
and next time it happened I escalated it again and
when they ran away I was
disappointed.
No, I did not travel mid-pandemic every three months to swipe
the health insurance card that said
I'm a man.
No, when the police told us at Lützerath
that if we left now we would not be charged,
I did not leave.
No, I did not ask your consent first to shout Fuck you cop.
I did not build consensus in a plenum to have a mandate
to speak for everyone I just shouted
Fuck you cop.
No, we did not find another school yet
for the child who you failed at the school
where you said it was their imagination that
they struggled with
Ausländerfeindlichkeit.
No, I did not notice the part of the contract
where it said capital owners
are free from the flow of time
and can increase your bills a year ago
retroactively.
I was not responsible with money either I was not responsible
with anything
other than my children's feelings and
wild flowers and
homeless trans people.
No, these children do not have a Krankenkarte
or a Krankenkasse or a Krankenversicherung
if they have a Krankenkarte the police will come
and deport them
all we have is a Krank.
All we brought you doktor
is a Krank.

No, I do not own a FUCKING fax machine.

I did not do any of the things.
I did not want to do any of the things.
I failed to feel guilt for not doing any of the things,
I only cry and cry and cry, violating
Ruhezeiten.
It's all my fault.
I am not well-integrated.
I deserve all the fees and
punishments.
With piles of papers all over the room,
I am in Germany.
Outside in Germany the forests of folk-tales have fallen
to make paper, long ago.
Furry bumblebees come kiss
the flowers painted on my summer dress.
The sun sings to me softly.