Dear Mom,
I’m feeling kinda sad lately because poors have been throwing milkshakes at The Beast again, and since I got stuck driving over a curb, the bros in the off-roading club call me “Junior.” To add insult to injury, one of The Beast’s fenders flew off and struck a Prius carrying a baby and now I’m being sued. Can you send me a voice recording of you singing “you’re a big handsome boy” like you did last month?
Love,
Timmy (But please remember to call me Lord Bulgemaster when my friends are around)