Conversation

It's so common to treat the state's records as The Truth. Your name is what the state says it is. Your identity is what the state decides. Utter nonsense. I understand that the state has some useful interest in knowing its people, but when the state's records do not match reality, it is not reality which has something to fix. When the state does not recognize your gender, the state has simply chosen to have bad records. When the state does not recognize as citizens people who have spent their lives in its communities, it is the state which lacks documentation, not the person.

Which is not to say that you should ignore the state or its demands! The state has incredible power and it would be a substantial error (or very high-impact choice) not to recognize this and do what you can to avoid the state's ire. My partner and I registered our decade+ of marriage with the state because of the value that document might have in preventing us from being parted in future. I am registering my name because I believe that doing so will help more people to use it correctly.

But these are choices made based on practical grounds. My partner & I were married the day we made solemn promises to each other. My name changed the moment I asked people to use the new one. The state's word may be law because it holds power, but that doesn't make it the truth.