I first met @rher in the fall of '19, by chance in a rural Burger King. It was there where he told me many a thing, namely, truths. He told of great men from the east, men who kill and eat nigga just for a chuckle. Men whose steps are many, but few. I pondered, hours felt like minutes. He sat there, nearly lifeless, as if waiting for me to reply. I asked of these men, of their ways. He continued, describing great feets, unheard of in our world. Lifting tonnes of steel hundreds of feet in the air, creating thousands of books in a matter of minutes, and building a countless tables from naught but scraps. Before I could say a word, he looked me dead in the eye, and posited something that would change my life forever. "You have heard it said that the Man of the East is a sexless being. Amen, I say to you, he is a Man without sex, yet one of endless proliferation." I fell on my knees, begging him to explain these words. He told me to stand up, and called me gay. He punched me in the chest, resulting in the Burger King cashier half cocking his dominant eyebrow, and causing me to fall to my knees. He said, slight grin bismirching his face, "I'm not explaining shit, nigga." He handed me an unmarked cardboard box, as he exited the Burger King, I blurted out "Where in Heaven's name are you going?! What is this box?!" he simply replied "I have matters to attend to. In the box, lies your future." I replied "I don't even know your name." "The name's Bartholemew Crinklrher, but my colleages call me Rher. What's yours?" "My name i-" Rher cuts me off, "I don't care libtard" he says as the door shuts behind him. I am left alone in the Burger King, as the employee had left for his daughter's wedding. I peek inside the box, and before my eyes was a single jar of marmalade, and a framed oil painting of Paddington Bear in an SS uniform. As I looked around, baffled, I heard Rher's voice echo in my mind: "This episode was sponsored by LootCrate. For more epic gamer goodness, check the back of the store." My mind was racing. One thing was clear, if I wanted to keep my gamer status, I must go to there. I got up, and crept towards the back of the store. I passed the till, then onto the fryer, and beyond the chicken zone, until finally arriving: the freezer. I opened the door, and what I saw, what I saw was fiction, how could such a thing exist? A disc simply labeled "Spectrobes switch prototype (balding TEST BUILD) heil hitler" layed atop a pile of loose ground beef, extra lean. I fell to my knees yet again, but this time, under more pleasant circumstances. I spoke aloud, as if talking to a dear friend, "Bartholemew...thank you. It's everything I ever wanted, and more." He spoke again, from somewhere Beyond the Portals. "Consider the spinning of the CD. The Switch Disk Drive is but a herniating moonbeam of the Man of the East. You have become one with it. I have put one in place of your left kidney." I was born with only one kidney. I collapsed. When I awoke to the sun hurting my eyes, all I could think was "Drats! That lowly Burger King employee must had found me in the freezer, and assumed I was trying to commandeer it!", but I looked at my arms- nandato?! Nani ga okotta? Alas, I had become Rallen! Hero of Spectrobes! Oh, joyous day! But something was wrong. Very wrong. I averted my gaze from the sun, and looked upon the horizon. I must be dreaming... it was unmistkably Algeria. As I come to grips with my situation, I see some sillouettes in the distance... could it be Bedouin (tln: members of nomadic Arab tribes)? I could only remember their old addage- "I am against my brother, my brother and I are against my cousin, my cousin and I are against the stranger", and feel fear for my life. But I realised something. I am RALLEN! Hero of SPECTROBES! They're sure to know who I am. They wave, and I wave back. I start walking towards them, but as I get closer, I realise it was none other than...Bartholomew "The Cadester" Crinklrher. "Nyeh heh!" he said. Then he spat venom and flew off into the sunset.